Tuesday, April 13, 2010

SO WHERE DO I POST?

So im posting right now. Due to recent death threats, and unholy beckoning im posting out of the goodness of my heart. Question is, what do i post about? Life here in Baltimore is boring as shit, and there isnt much to do when one of your grandparents cant rememver who you are, and calls me racial slurs when i do not get her an alcoholic beverage such as: Gook, chinaman, slits, zipperhead, or just rice patty making- samurai fighting- huri kuri committin- slant eyed- brock look alike- mother fucker. It hurts yes, but i can see past that. Im not as ignorant as some people make me out to be. Or just one of them has come sort of vietnam flashback, and starts making "The works bombs" and setting them off in the backyard. Creepy yes, scared for my life? yes. But intriguing? Hells yes. Though none of that has actually happened, it would be a cool kind of thing to be having to dodge-roll into my house every day, because one of them will pull out a gun or throw knives. Doing so, i would presumably kick over a table, and roll it as i walked over towards the wall, absorbing the infinite bullets that are showering it. From there, i make a distraction, pull some sort of Jet Lee jump, pull my pinky and ring finger towards my palm, flexing out my middle and index finger, with my thumb on end, and whisper.
"Bang"

But on a side note. Some of you call me "John" due to my insufficient funds, though some of you are in the same boat as I am in... Well. Maybe all of you. Yeah. All of you are kind of in the same situation I am in.

Yes I am jewish when it comes to spending. But this is coming from a guy who spent 100 some bucks on a god damn polyester Yoko figure (but a god damn good looking one. I mean uhh... Yeah.. Gross... Good looking, what the hell am i talking about? What the fuck right? ahahahahha......*crying*).

But yes, spending money which I currently do not have available is no joking manner. It is a habit to tend to buy what ever you so wish. If we all did that, Apple would not be the only one having guys in black suits knocking at your door, and falsely accusing you and your family of being some sort of neo-terrorist.

But yes, i take my money very seriously, as should everyone. For Alec on the other hand.... Making almost 9 bucks an hour, jokingly. I SAID JOKINGLY. SO GET ALL HISSY-PISSY BOUT THIS. Exclaims i should purchase the second coming of unruly acquaintances on the battlefield (Bad Company 2). I got defensive, yes, i am to blame. But I cant tell whether or not Alec tells a joke. His jokes are bout as funny as Louie Anderson on the Family Fued making wisecracks at black families. They're more racial and hurtful than "omg thats so funny, im going to remember that."

People that HAVE made me laugh do it so that its not directed towards just me (though "rice bucket" and other asian jokes are funneled towards me. Solely on the fact that I am the only Asian in the "clique" or "posse" of friends that everyone is affiliated with, which sucks cause i guess im the most intolerable to asian wisecracks from crackers and wetbacks. Yeah, i said it. Want to fight bout it? Didnt think so).

But as everyone can see, this economy is slowly getting its shit back together. I dont know what Obama thinks hes going to do with a multi-billion dollar health care bill, but God damnit, if it means that I have to give 20 bucks more for taxes to a run down- trailor family of one black babies daddy, and a white bimbo who magically have seven children, two being from that bimbo, and the rest coming from accumulated other bitches, then so be it. But like hell will i stand aside and let this happen, but i more than likely will. Since there is nothing i can do to prevent it or stop it. Petition my ass, papers dont solve anything, it takes one dbag in the senate who says "health care? What the fuck is that? I got my doctor for free, what the fuck is this "reform" thing? Honestly, if i cared a little bit, i wouldnt let some Nigerian President send out a MULTI-BILLION dollar reform bill." But as the time flies, so does the bill. It being barely passed in the senate. Fuck, we are all screwed.

But i do not have the job as president, so i cant technically be upset with him. Hes doing a fine job. It'll only be a matter of time before some one does anything about it.

But yes, with the economy again, I am applying for another job or two. Alec being a dingle berry about it, calling me a "John" with my money. I did it. I applied for 5 other stores (not gas station affiliated or BUCKY'S. HONESTLY, FUCK YOU WHO EVER SAID I WORKED AT A BUCKY'S. WHAT THE FUCK, ITS BAD ENOUGH I WORK AT A GAS STATION, BUT FUCK SAKES STOP TAP DANCING ON MY NUTSACK). One of the stores i applied for is a Gamesworkshop store, which produces miniatures for table top gaming. I am a fan of the whole Warhammer 40k series, so I would absolutely love to get a job working for them. Also ive sent one out to Costco (11 times now) and the neighborly Home Depot. I hope some word gets back to me.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Airsoft

So now i have been planning on posting this story of mine for a few days now, but have been swamped by exams and shit for class. So with my free 20 minutes here, i'm going to hopefully post the entire story that took place on Saturday.

We wait in our side. My fingers tightly griping the MP5 in my hands. Its so quiet, you can hear the wind rush by. You only know that in a few seconds, the ref will scream "ONE!".

I look to my left, and see a team member with a MP5 silenced (just a barrel attachment). And to my right, couple of guys with M4 carbines.

I check my vest. I check my spare clips. Knowing that this gun will eat through much of my ammo. I flip the switch. safety is no longer on, its now fully automatic. Now everyone starts to count down the seconds till the match starts. Much is going through my head, but the match is first priority.

"ONE!"

Here we go..

"GO GO GO"

The rush of the starting point of a game, and i go with a squad of 2 making 3. Our team was of a total 9 people. 3 to the left, 3 down the center, and 3 to the right. Our squads plan was to take over the middle section of the map, and if possible push them back into they're spawn. This map we're playing on looks like Shipment from CoD4, but a bit larger. But it does have all the empty containers laying around. I take cover behind a crate, and have a barrage of bb's come my way. My two squad mates take cover beside me. I tell them we need to put down suppressive fire on them. They agree. So all 3 of us pop up and put down a storm on the enemy. But as i'm shooting at the 2 opposing team mates, something catches my eye in the background. It's another one, running along the back side. I finally saw what it was.

"Sniperrr! Sniper on the right side!" I yelled.

The right squad asks for a location.

"Behind the bunker to the right, right in front of you!"

I hear them talking, and they yell back "Keep your heads low. Some one drive a flank on that position!"

I tell my squad that we have to push up further into their own side. While i'm changing my clip two of them rush for the the barricade in front of me. I lay down from suppressive fire to help them. But both of them have been hit and now must run back to the spawn point.

Now its just me. I take a peek above my crate. Two of them shooting at my position. The left squad then makes a sweeping motion and cleanses the middle of the opposing team. We make a push forward, taking heavy fire from the red team. By this point, the red team decides not to push against us, but to rather camp their spawning point and the barricades around it. I dump my clip in exchange for a new one, and pull the trigger to be sure of jams. But to my horror the battery is drained. My gun is now worthless. I look around, not knowing what to do. I see a member who went and swung around left. I ask him if hes got anything i can borrow for the time being seeing that my gun is now weight. He checks his pockets, then rips the Colt.45 from his holster on this chest.

"It's only got 12 shots" he tells me.

"Guess I'll have to make them count then" I replied.

It's a gas powered pistol, very powerful, but only at 20 or so feet from a target. Which is just fine for this kind of close quarter combat.

I make a dash for the right side, and take cover behind a crate. That damn sniper was still there. Pinned down the right side along with one of them who had a LMG. I signal the right side that I'm going to "gung ho" it to the sniper and shoot the two that have set up shop. They signal me to go ahead. I run, while the two on the right give me cover.

The sniper and LMG gunner haven't seen me. Now is my chance.

I pop up and fire 2 shots into the sniper, and 3 into the LMG gunner. One of which struck the sniper in the ear, and two into the LMG gunner's head. Confirmed kills.

With just 4 of the opposing team left, we make a push into the spawn on the red team. Two of them surrender their arms, and walk off to the spawn. Pansies. Now leaving our team of eight with two of them left. A few of the green team mates yell.
"Lets rush them now! On the count of 3!"

I make sure I got ammo in my clip for the next assault.

"3 GO GO GO"

We rush the spawn, they unleash a heavy fire on us. We lose three of us on the assault, but get one behind a crate. Now leaving us with one to get. He knows that hes doomed. It's an eminent feeling of being shot up by an entire team.

We saw he only had a pump shotgun and a M4 Carbine left. We were at a stand off with on another for atleast 3 minutes. He was running out of ammo. At first he threw out his shot gun, then his M4.. He then pulls out this desert eagle gas power pistol, and waits. Waiting for the moment at which he'll have to use it. I used three shots on the rush to the spawn. Leaving me with only four left. I signal to the left that me and the middle squad mate are going in.

He nods.

And in a split second, he and his other team mate give us suppressive fire. We rush in, and with pistol drawn, I shot him all four times. Two in the head, and one in the chest and one in the arm. And I am a good 15 feet from him, so its going to leave him a gift in a couple days.

"Game over!!!" the ref yells.

Green team. flawless victory.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Cases of Irony

So today was kinda of a 2 step day.

I slept, and then went to work.

I went to bed around 3 o'clock the night before. Doing last minute homework for fucking chemistry. Then went to bed. And my god, it was the most worthwhile sleep i have ever experienced. I woke up, and found it to be 11. I turned my alarm off, and went back to sleep. I wake up a second time, and find it is 2 o'clock. Now i am thinking i have to get up for work. I do, i eat my left over Stromboli from the night before.

And let me tell you. If you EVER get a chance to order a stromboli, you fucking do it. You do it for me, for yourself, for America. Because there is nothing better than fucking stromboli on a Wednesday night after just masturbated and having a famine and lack of energy.

And if you dont know what a stromboli is, google it. But i will save you the time and effort of it. And if you are reading this after you have just looked for stromboli on google, you are retarded for wasting your own precious time.

Stromboli, is what you get when you cross breed a Pizza and (from what i got. Cheese steak) and cheese steak. Its got the outer shell of like a pizza crust, and the inside of melted cheese and peppered steak. I dont care if its death on a fork, and im not joking, by the looks of this thing it will clog my arteries by the age of 20 if i ate this thing for the rest of my days. Gooey cheese and the crispy crust and peppered steak is just matrimony. Ah... Happiness.

But getting back to topic. Irony.

I thought it was funny as hell from what people buy at a gas station. They'll mix and match with the items, to give some.. odd results.

Take this lady that comes in. Looks normal, except the face she seems that she can shed of a pound or two. Or maybe 20... 30. Okay 40. But she heads to the cooler to get something to drink. Im working at the lotto machine, and see her coming up. I greet myself to her, and she does the same. She then places V8 on the counter. Now i've only had V8 once in my life, and its the most disgusting thing i've ever drank. But she got it, and i thought "Ok, maybe she heard me about the 40 pounds, and feels offended and obligated to lose the weight." Shes trying to be healthy. Good for her. But then she asks "Can i also get a pack of Marlboro Lights?" Bombshell. So much for healthy. Why in the fuck would you go out of your way to drink something so distasteful, and then piss all that away for a stick filled with fecal matter and rat poison?

When she turns and walks off, i have a disgusted look on my face. And then laughed. Does that make me a terrible person?

OR take this for example.

Guy and his fat girlfriend walk in. I look at the guy, looks like slim shady got fucked by two homies. And then there is his girlfriend. Good god. Looks like she not only fell from the ugly tree, but then got ran over by the ugly truck. And every tire hit her. But its not that what makes this funny, its what they ask for. The guy asks for condoms. I say there are some on the shelf next to me. He takes a look at the selection we have which is really only 4 different kinds. The girlfriend is in an awkward sense, but the guy seems glad hes getting condoms. Then he asks me "Yo, can i get dem magnums?" I look at him. I think, hes white, such a joke. "Sure" i reply. "Hey can i also get a pack of them Extenz too man?" Wait.. Did he just ask for a dick grow? What the fuck? Why dont you just fucking get the wrappers that fucking fit your junk and be happy with. Honestly, why the hell would you go out of your way for your Hanna Montana ugly betty look alike, and then grow your shit. And above all that, wrap it with whats ment for people who actually have the correct size.

Some people these days. What the hell.

VIDEOS.



Monday, September 21, 2009

Doubts

So, I've noticed that I am the only one now that hasnt blogged ina while. Which I am trying to break that habit, but I have been buried in homework up to my testicles. And if any of you can solve for the lb (mass) of density times the volume of air, please send me a reply.

But I have had something on my mind that i thought that needs to be out with. My calculus teacher, is kinda of a.. interesting figure. He looks like a cross between Benjamin Franklin and Peter. But the looks of this guy isnt what bothers me. It's his teaching method. Now call me picky, but how in the hell are you suppose to learn new material if your instructor says "um" or "uh" about every other word? I've counted today, because we went over derivatives. 118 "Uh's" and 66 "Um's". Now this leads me to think that he may suffer from old age or alzheimers, but still how the fuck are the rest of the students suppose to get this. I look to my right and find a kid struggling to keep his hand still and avoid doing a faceplant into the foldable desk. Which i would laugh uncontrollably at him. But then I look to my left and find a group of orientals. I was like, "lucky bastards.. you know what hes going to say without him even knowing what he'll say next. ESP? Mind readers? Then what if they can read my mind on how hot this asian chick right next to me is.. Oh shit?!"

But besides that, Its just been busy. I work at a BP Gas station. I get the shit end of the stick for hours. Mostly 3 - 12 am shifts. But hell, its probably one of the most easiest jobs i've ever done. I played chess sunday night for 4 hours, and got payed for it. I was told that the managers dont really mind unless it takes attention away from the customers. But then again, i ask myself who the hell comes into a gas station at 11 o'clock at night? Oh yea.. The pregnant white chicks and homie black guys. Honestly, i dont think i've ever sold more menthol cigarettes to people in one week than i have in months at CVS. And yes im saying more blacks smoke menthol than whites. Racist? OR just stating a fact that no one else will? Pansies.

And i did read Taylors blog. Not sure what to make of it. I mean he drew me as an octapus for shits sakes. And hes a fish. Kinda awkward. But i found it hilarious. And there is no way in hell, and i repeat, NO WAY IN HELL I would give both my kidneys to save any of you. So i still need half a kidney. Then we'll compromise on the other half. Maybe you guys can fight over it like a gladiator arena, and kill each other while slowly dying yourselves. Oooh.. Dark and creepy. Lets stop that for now.

Found this video not too long ago. This songs been stuck in my head for a looong time, and was excited when i found out what it actually was. And i think we should do it for shits and giggles.



and heres a funny

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Just in time

So I know I haven't been blogging a whole lot lately. Due to school, and other work that needs attending to.

I'm upset that now I have to post a new post, and all that discussion on the other one is now probally forgotten information. But I still think that was one of the funniest things some of you have wrote (i.e Taylor).

I still think "the worst" pick up lines are funny as shit.

But this post is an hour before I have to go to school, and can not think of anything on the dime to talk about. Sorry for that folks, just have to wait a little bit longer for an actual post.

But here is a funny.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Old Times Sake

So I write this post because I chose to remember the days years back.

Weren't those the good ol' days? Not having to worry about anything. Free to roam about and what not. To be a kid again. But there are those things that bring us back to those times. Things such as the games we once played as a kid. I still remember playing Koala.. Now that damn thing is 150 bucks. Unbelievable.

But what brings me back was being with my mom. Remembering how good it felt to be around somebody who knew what to do. I believe family is strong, and the heritage is something to be proud of. Now I don't do good with touchy feeling kinda posts. But I would just like to thank myself for remembering the good times. And the thing that brings me back to the days of the past is a song actually.

Now this song was brought to me by my older cousins (full Korean.. I know how you assholes like to be racist towards asians.) and kinda stuck with me.

Now I don't care if you like it or not. But for me its a way to get back. Now yo don't have to look at the pictures, in fact I recommend you don't. It's just pictures of the group. Kinda boring stuff.

Few things.

Yes, its in Korean.

No, I will not translate it.

No, I do not know what they are saying. I am not fluent.

No flamers please.



But thats just me. And please don't hate just because its oriental. I know how you racist bastards are.

MORE FUNNY VIDEOS





Enjoy