Snack Food

Well, everyone is giving me a difficult time with this blogging thing, so here is my blog of the day.



Today started like any other, dragging my ass outa bed and making myelf lunch. I look at the prepared snack foods that I do like with my lunch, and noticed something quite odd. Doritos... They are good, and especially good when they are habanero, but they dont measure up to the salty goodness of Funyuns. I don't know why, but Funyuns seem good with any kind of sandwich product, or that just may be me. But while I quarrel in my thoughts on how Funyuns overpower Doritos, I look to see that we don't have any lunch meat.. Moose that son of a bitch, took the last few slices, and what the hell am I to make with no sandwich meat product? I freak the hell out, there is nothing!! But wait, what is this shinning light coming from the meat drawer within the fridge? By the heavens and skies its the all mighty bacon! So I prepare my no so much BLT and call it just B. And the funny thing about later today Grace was so kind to leave her bag of Funyuns on the table, up for grabs anyone? I take the bag, Alec takes a few rings. Tanner is begging me like when you taunt a eight year old child with promises to go to the dollar store for a shitty-half-ass-chinese-lead-filled piece of shit, but I end up giving a couple rings as well. And by what others had said I "savagely demolished" the bag into crumbs at the bottom. Grace soon finds out about this scenario, and is in a "what the fuck?" moment. She soon flips shit, and goes on a rampage on how shes going to kill who ever took the Funyuns. I wet myself, knowing she'll pull out a gun or firearm like weapon and blast the head off whom ever takes the responsability. I point to Alec to sacrifice his life for us around him, he then turns to me and points at the residue of Funyun on my muscular mustache. Grace then reaches in her bag, at this point I wet myelf. She then pulls out to be what looks like a handle, I scream. The item from the bag reveals itself, and Grace uses it to threaten me. Her eyes turn red with the blood of hate and revenge. She did want those Funyuns, and was willing to take my life in exchange for them. Pointing the weapon to the center of my forehead, she whispers to me

"You should've asked..."

*Click*

My mind is racing, all these thoughts of what I wanted to be, or how I'll be "that guy" at the top of some pyramid scheme. I keep thinking to myself though... Murder for Funyuns? Seems pretty logical, but would death be the answer for eaten Funyuns?? I tell her that I can give them back to her. I attempt to induce vomiting, and give back what ever left over Funyun that my stomach hasn't disinagrated. She claims that will not help her with the empty bag. I continue to try to talk to her with reason, but of course being in Grace's point of view, nothing seems reasonal. At this point everyone is just, of course, watching as one of their friends attempts to murder another. If I wanted mild violence I would've offered ourselves to the Jerry Springer show or Price is Right (The Price is Right isn't really violent, just its viewers. The total sum of 60-80 year old grandparents, yelling at the T.V. Shouting their bet as if Bob Barker himself could hear them. And of course, every single one of those stupid shits betting on a "hotdog shaving peeling banana opener" bet WAY over the original price of the stupid thing).

Kyle - "Grace come on, its a deep fried vegatable. You don't need that garbage in your system. So in reality, you should be thanking me. Or better yet, I have the weapon and pointing it at you for being stupid."
Grace - "That doesn't matter! You ate my FUNYUNS.. Now you gotta pay for what you've done."
Jason - "Grace, show me your boobs."
Grace - "NO!!!"
Jason - "Why the hell not?"
Grace -"Because I don't want to!! Can't you see im in the middle of something??"
Jason - "No?"
Alec - "... You know what? I think im going to stay outa this one.."
Kyle - "Some one want to get this thing outa my face?"
Rake - "Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh...."
Kyle - "WHAT THE HELL IS SO DAMN FUNNY JOSH? DO YOU THINK A GUN TO MY HEAD IS FUNNY? I HATE TO SEE WHATS SAD IN YOUR LIFE."
Tanner - "So this one time, me and Bri had butt sex but this time... I was the one taking it from behi...."
Kyle - "Ok, enough with you. How is anal going to help get this damn thing outa my face?"
Grace - "FUNYUNSSSS!!!"
Jason - "Boobs????????"
Kyle - "GRACE I WILL GET YOU A WHOLE DAMN BAG IF YOU WOULD JUST GET THIS DAMN THING OUT OF MY FACE."
Grace - "Oh... Really? That would be nice.."
Kyle - "Good God..."

So that ended the feud.. Grace was still enraged with fury of her Funyuns, but it had been subsided with the compromise I offered to her. Just remember... Snack food from Grace is like fat kids and one slice of German Chocolate Cake. You don't take either of them away from each other, or the whole thing goes into a spiral of screaming, yelling, and snack food stealing anarchy.

Christ, if you think this was bad reading, imagine writing the damn thing.

-Kyle